Job is wracked in the valley of despair and depression. He wonders why he lives. He longs for the grave. He thinks the pain, despair and anguish of his earthly life will be over. He wrestles day and sleepless night with deep questions… Will you never look away from me, or let me alone even for an instant? If I have sinned, what have I done to you, O watcher of men? Why have you made me your target? Have I become a burden to you? Why do you not pardon my offenses and forgive my sins? For I will soon lie down in the dust; you will search for me, but I will be no more" (19-21).
Physical pain, emotional distress, and grief can put us in such places. And when our thinking is mixed up, we are most susceptible to spiraling despair like this. If we believe God is out to get us, we are prone to these kinds of thoughts. If we believe we have no worth, we are prey for these kinds of thoughts. Yet, even the strongest most faith-filled people can battle dark questions of worth and value and depression. Spurgeon, Luther, Mother Teresa come to mind…
The valley of the shadow of death (or pain, or mourning or…) can be a long, lonely walk. To one extent or another, we will all walk that path. Job’s story reminds me it is part of human life. Not a nice part but part nonetheless. Job’s story reminds me that the valley is not necessarily the whole story (but I don’t want to jump to the end, Job has a long journey before daybreak dawns). Job’s story reminds me that God is not troubled by our deep questions or even the finger-pointing cries of one in pain.
The entry point God watches for is ‘honesty’. I have seen over and over again that God meets us in our honesty and He can lead us home from there. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; (Psalm 23:4). It is God’s presence that leads us home…
God, thank You for caring and loving. Thank You for your presence. Help me stop my hiding from You and pretending before You. Be patient with me because I am scared to be totally honest with You because it means I have to be honest with myself. The latter scares me as much if not more than the former. Thank You, Lord, for never ever abandoning me… and for giving me time to grow in my love and trust of You. I love You, Lord. Amen.
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